Friday, January 4, 2008

What is Life Coaching?

Life Coaching is not counseling or therapy or even giving advice.....counseling and therapy both look into the past and try to diagnose a problem then fix it and giving advice is basically telling someone what they should do instead of letting them figure it out.

But Life Coaching looks at the present and towards the future, by making goals that are attainable and then striving to reach those goals, with the help, encouragement and support of the coach. Life Coaching uses active listening, relaxation techniques, exercise and healthy nutrition info, along with several other things to allow a person to see for themselves what they want to work on in their own life, this way they can set goals they can achieve.

Sessions with Tailored Life Coaching are tailored to fit the needs of the person or group and fall into some of the following categories (but are not limited to these):
Nutrition and Exercise
Life Skills
Relaxation Techniques
Emotions
Work or Career Planning
Spirituality (any religious background)

Through life coaching you will be making your own goals, setting your own pace, getting the support you need to achieve those goals, and encouragement to get you through when you think you can not go on. With Tailored Life Coaching everything is based on you and what you want.

If you have questions about Tailored Life Coaching, Life Coaching in general, or comments please email: tailoredlifecoaching@gmail.com

Meet Mary-- Your Life Coach

I have been where you are, I understand the pressures of having to start over and the fears that come with it. I understand the problems that arise when you try to start thinking of moving on with your life after having gone through an abusive relationship.

Not everyone knows they are ready to pursue a better lifestyle. Most of us do want to be happy, healthy, and financially stable; but how many people actually know how and are ready to take the steps required to achieve those things?

As a Domestic Violence Survivor and Life Coach I know what it takes and will provide you with the tools to reach your goals, but the work is up to you. It is not easy and at times will be frustrating, but the purpose of having a coach is to make the hard parts bearable and to ease the frustrations when they arise.

Having a coach that is also a survivor means that you will be working with someone who has been where you are and knows that you can move forward and how to make that happen for you. 


I am a Registered Healer with the International Natural Healers Association (INHA) with a Bachelor's in Spiritual Healing; a Minister of The Universal Light Church (TUL), also having been conferred the degree of Doctor of Divinity with TUL; a Reiki Master/Teacher; EFT Practitioner and have completed a certificate course in Meditation. Currently I am working on a degree in Metaphysics.  As my studies are on-going, I will update this often.

I look forward to meeting you (on-line even), getting to know you and helping you to
Go Empower Yourself!
Rev. Dr. Mary Morgan








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"Take Back Your Life" Session

After answering "Are You Ready for a Life Coach" questions you should have a better idea of whether you are in a place in your life that life coaching may be beneficial to you.

Now you can schedule a “Take Back Your Life” Session which will give you a written list of obtainable goals, enhance your self-esteem, and provide you with the foundation you need to begin healing from the abuse you suffered.

Anyone is capable of succeeding as long as they know what they want, how to get there and then do the work to achieve their goals.

Domestic Violence victims and survivors are no different, in fact people that have been abused are more likely to succeed in the future because we have already been through the worst life could throw at us.

After your initial session, you will be able to decide how often you need to meet with me to go over your life plan, adjust your goals, and simply to track your progress, and receive the encouragement you need.

Sessions are conducted by phone, in person, email, chat, and internet discussion group setting. Choose the option that best fits your schedule and personality. Email me at tailoredlifecoaching@gmail.com to get started.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Life Skills Sections Overview

The articles about in the Life Skills Section are not meant to insult anyone’s intelligence, but to offer suggestions that you may not have thought of. There are many of us that have not had to ever go out into the world on our own and trying to do so while dealing with the effects of abuse can be extra difficult. If you have never had to start out by yourself, things that seem simple at first such as getting a place to live, a job, a car, or even planning a budget came become overwhelming in no time flat.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with simply not knowing what to do next. There is nothing wrong with not knowing where to start. The suggestions are to help you order your thoughts, think logically about the decisions you are about to make, and in some cases hopefully help you save money.

Relaxation Techniques: Cleansing Techniques

Long baths or showers can prove to be very relaxing when you have the time. Baths tend to be more relaxing for most people but even if you don’t have the time for a long bath to just soak away aches and pains both physically and emotionally, you can just stay in the shower a little longer.

If you need a quick cleansing pick me up, try this after you have finished your normal shower routine. Turn the water to a little hotter than normal. With the water running on your back do a few five second count deep breaths while stretching your arms above your head as high as you can comfortably go, clear your thoughts, and breathe out the negative feelings as you bring your arms down. Sometimes it will help to imagine that your worries, fears and problems are going down the drain with the water.

Using candles, music, incense or other things of this nature that you find soothing will make a bath or shower more relaxing.

Relaxation Techniques: Journaling

Journaling can be very relaxing. It is also a good way to get things out of your head for a while or to organize your thoughts. Some people take to journaling quite easily and others seem they are forcing themselves to do some task that is really very painful. If you feel the need to write and can’t think of what to write, just start writing whatever comes to mind. It doesn’t have to make sense and more than likely won’t at first, but just keep on writing. After an abusive relationship we will sometimes feel that everything in our heads is just spinning around and makes no sense. Putting these thoughts on paper is a good way to order them so that we can address issues that need to be addressed and put to rest the ones we determine aren’t worth the time it would take to address them.

Picking a journal can be fun. Don’t let this become a chore. Choose a journal that makes sense to you or looks inviting to you. Some will pick a nice sophisticated leather bound tome with elegant paper, others may choose a three ring binder that they draw a cover for themselves, and yet others will pick something in between. Be creative with it; get colored pens or pencils to reflect your moods. If you end up with a journal that you don’t like the looks of the cover or it reminds you of something bad then you will not use it.


You can make different sections for different things, or have entirely different journals for different things. Personally I like to use spiral bound journals and I have different ones for different things. I also use a three ring binder when working from lists so that I can change the order of things when needed without tearing out pages that will probably get lost. I even use an electronic journal at times because typing is faster for me, although the motion of writing is soothing and relaxing.

Life Skills: Transportation

Securing reliable transportation is almost a must for everyone regardless of where you live. If you live in a city area where work, home and shopping are all within walking distance then you are lucky and can save money that would be spent for transportation for other things. If you do not live in an area where walking is easy, convenient and safe then you must decide on another way to get around. Some cities still have bus systems that are affordable, some areas have trains that are affordable, and the more expensive mode of public transportation is taxis. You could choose to use a combination of public systems and walking for a while if that will fit your life style and budget.

Many people also opt for riding a bicycle or moped, depending on where they live in relation to where they work. Using one of these methods in conjunction with public transportation can also save you money to start with. However, most people are forced to get a vehicle for many reasons such as; location of places they must go or having children.

If you have to get a car right away consider something economical, which is dependable and good on gas. If your credit score or income will not support buying a new car, don’t stress about it. You can still find a good car that you can afford that will get the job done.

Look at used lots that offer their own financing plans. You will pay higher interest and thus end up paying more than the car is worth, but they usually don’t check your credit and have payment plans that will fit your budget. Just be careful to not let the very nice person selling you the car “take you for a ride” so to speak. Try to take a male relative or co-worker with you, even if you do all the talking and know enough about cars to not get cheated; having a male there for some reason makes a lot of the “smooth-talking” go away.

If you do not have a male that can go with you can ask a female to go with you, which just having two people there can help you. If you do not know anyone in your area, go to the local Domestic Violence shelter or a church and explain what you need and ask if they would send someone with you. Most of the time if you explain your situation briefly ( don’t go into details you aren’t comfortable revealing) and tell them you think you need help in choosing a good car at an affordable price, they will be able to provide someone that can take you to a car lot and help you.

Whether you go alone or with someone don’t be talked into a deal that you know you can’t afford or that just doesn’t feel right. Always ask to test drive the car. If it is possible have it set up with a mechanic to bring it in during that test drive to get it looked over and ask them their opinion of the car. Tell the mechanic the asking price and ask if the car is mechanically sound enough for that price. This may cost you a little money but well worth it in the long run.

Sometimes people will list cars on the internet for sell. Be very careful if you choose to buy a car this way. People sometimes will also offer cars through Freecycle™ (
http://www.freecycle.org/). Again, be careful here because you would have to spend money on insurance, tags, taxes, etc. and may end up with a car that doesn’t run, and now have no money to insure and tag another one. You can find cars for sell in local papers also, these are usually for cash sales only from individuals, be careful if buying a car this way, and again try to take someone else with you to look at it. Ask to test drive it and try to arrange with a mechanic to look it over while you have it out for the test drive.

Car insurance rates vary so greatly by state and individual driver that it is hard to pinpoint one insurance company that is best or cheapest or whatever. I suggest taking the time to get quotes from several different companies and then choose the one that is right for you. Remember that if you are making payments on a car most lenders will require full coverage, so ask before buying the car what they require and get quotes based on that.

Life Skills: Furnishing on a budget

There are many items that you can buy used or get for free that can make your new home very comforting, inviting and practical. Almost all furniture, dishes and appliances can be obtained for little or no money if you know where to look.

Freecycle™ is a great place to start for most of those things. If you have a little time and patience you can find someone that needs to get rid of something you need. Go on the internet (use a library terminal if you don’t have computer or internet at home) to
http://www.freecycle.org/ from that main page you can look up your area and see if there is a Freecycle™ group near you, and learn more about it. Most Freecycle™ groups are yahoo based groups where people post things they want to give away, and others post things they need/want. Most groups will not allow you to ask for something in the first two weeks of being a member or until you have posted offering something. However, if you email the moderators privately and explain that you are a victim of Domestic Violence and you are starting over and need some things they will more than likely let you go ahead and post requesting items.

There are other resources similar to Freecycle™ on the internet it just takes some looking around.
Craig’s List (
http://www.craigslist.org/about/cities.html) and
Cheap Cycle (
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cheapcycle_Groups/) both of these allow people to sell items, but cheaper than it would be new.

Other places to search for affordable furnishings are: Salvation Army, Good Will, and local thrift stores. Most items found at these places are usually in decent shape. Most Domestic Violence Shelters run a thrift store, so if you have trouble finding your local thrift store ask the DV Shelter for assistance. Looking in the local classifieds can also prove to be useful.

Life Skills: Deposit and Turning on Utilities

Many rentals require you to pay some sort of deposit before moving in. Usually this is a security deposit plus first months rent, or a first and last months rent or some combination. If you are planning to rent from an individual you may want to ask them if they could waive the deposits, and let you pay a little extra each month to start with until you have paid off the deposit. For example: The required deposit is $500 plus the first months rent which is also $500. Ask if you can give only $500 to start with and then pay $600 for the next five months to pay the deposit. After those five months you would then only pay the original rent price of $500.
If you have to put the utilities in your name you may be required to pay deposits to hook them up. Try to find this out before signing any rental agreements. You can ask the person you will be renting from which companies cover that area and then call them to see what your deposits, if any, will be. Some companies have flat deposits, some base it on your past utility history, and some base it on your credit report. Some utility companies will hold that deposit the whole time you have the account and some will return your deposit after a certain time frame of on-time payments.

Life Skills: Finding a Place to Live

One of the basic things each person has to do after leaving an abusive situation is find a safe place to live. To some this may seem like a very simple thing to do, while to others it is the cause of a lot of stress. Some people have never had to look for housing by themselves and do not know where to start. If you have never had to do this, you may not even realize that there are deposits and things that will require money up front, and various other things that you need to be aware of.
If you have the money and are planning to just buy a house, do your research first. Don’t get caught into a mortgage that you will not be able to afford later on. If you have never bought a house before, talk to friends, family, and co-workers that have bought houses and ask for advice. Whether buying or renting the following may help you some, but is in no way a complete explanation as to what you may need to do.
Start at the beginning, where to look? Look in newspapers, internet, and local reality companies, and ask people you know if they know anyone that have a place for rent. Some apartment complexes and reality companies advertise in papers and some do not, so get out the phone book and just call each one listed and see if the having anything available in your size and price range.
It is a good idea to always view the place before signing any paperwork. While there check that all the light switches work, the faucets all work, drains are working and make sure the toilets flush without problems. I realize that some of this seems elementary but it is amazing what we forget get when stressed and if you are looking for your very first place on your own while also dealing with the other stresses of just leaving an abusive situation you may over look things that will only cause further stress in the future.
Depending on what area of the country you live in you may need to check inside the closets and cabinets to make sure there isn’t a mold or termite problem. Look for obvious signs of water damage that may have been caused by a leaking roof or window. You do not want to end up living somewhere that may end up making you regret leaving the abuse.
One thing most of us almost always forget to check for is working smoke/fire detectors, and if there is more than one way into and out of the dwelling in case of an emergency. Along those lines if there is an alarm type system in the place ask how much it costs to turn it on and what the monthly payments would be. Some alarm companies will make you sign a term of service agreement where you will have to pay for a certain term even if you move. So make sure you know all of that and before getting the alarm system turned on in your name.
Ask what the landlord’s rules are concerning sizes and types of pets allowed, and if they require a pet deposit, if you plan to have pets or already do. Some apartment complexes do not allow children either, so if you have kids make sure you aren’t trying to move into one of that doesn’t allow children.
Some income brackets qualify for housing assistance; ask the organization that you are working with what programs are available in your area and how to find out if you qualify. If you do not qualify or there are no programs in your area it is important that you understand that some reality companies and apartment complexes are going to ask for past rental history and may even check your credit report. In both of those cases if you think there is anything on either of those that would keep them from renting to you, explain briefly what your situation is. Some will go ahead and check anyway but will work something out with you. It never hurts to try!

Are You Ready for a Life Coach?

Below are some questions that may help you decide if you are ready for life coaching. If you would like to get feedback on your answers or are unsure of where to go from here please email: tailoredlifecoaching@gmail.com

1. How satisfied are you with each of these areas of your life?
(Ranking: 0-10; with 0 being totally dissatisfied and 10 being 100% satisfied, be completely honest!)
· Work/Career:
· Relationships:
· Personal Time:
· Spirituality:
· Health/Fitness:

2. How committed are you to making changes in your life at this time?

(Ranking: 0-10; with 0 being totally uncommitted and 10 being 100% committed, be completely honest!)

3. How strongly do you agree or disagree with the following statements?

(Ranking: 0-10; with 0 being disagree and 10 being 100% agree, be completely honest!)


· I have goals that I’m serious about achieving.

· I can be relied upon to take coaching seriously.

· I will be very open and frank with myself and my coach.

· I will give the coach the benefit of the doubt and try out new ideas (thinking outside the box).
·
· I am willing to change and will change self-defeating behaviors which limit my success.

· I will not make excuses when I am not doing the work required to hit the goals I set.

· I want an even better quality of life.

· I avoid doing certain things out of fear of failure.

· I avoid doing certain things because I might offend someone.

· I view what other people think of me as very important.


4. Are you in good mental health?
5. Are you currently being seen by a mental health professional?
6. Have you ever been suicidal?
7. Have you ever been prescribed psychotropic medications?