Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Grieving Process 4: Moving On

Now that we have gotten ourselves back to feeling an emotion that we can understand, deal with and handle; we can begin our journey into the rest of our lives. This isn’t an easy part of the process; as anger can eat away at us a little at a time until we are only a shell of a person.


We must proceed in dealing with that anger very carefully, and whatever we do, we can not ignore it is there. It will not go away on its own. At this point you should consider trying various relaxation techniques if you aren’t already employing them, along with seeking to learn forgiveness. Forgiveness is good for many things but is a great way to combat anger within our self and others.


Certain negative thoughts will continue to pop up throughout all of this. These thoughts are the product of our beliefs, which have been programmed into our conscious and subconscious mind. As long as we hold onto these beliefs or thought forms we can not release the emotions that are caused by them. Everyone has a different set of thoughts based on the abuse they suffered and their own personality. However, some possible thought forms are:

I can’t survive without that relationship
I can’t be secure on my own
My life has no meaning now
I can never find another relationship/No one else will want me


When in fact everyone around you thinks you should be happy and in possession of positive thought forms. Others think, and may even tell you, that you should be relieved and happy that it is over and on some level you probably are, we just have to get to that vel and let it shine! Some positive thoughts that you could have are:

I survived the abuse, I can survive anything
My security is within me and I will be fine
My life can now have meaning
I am a good person and will find a good relationship


Now that we know there are both negative and positive thoughts that could come out of this situation, what do we do with that knowledge? We can use it to our benefit by seeking to transform our negative thoughts into positive thoughts. A few ways we could do this are:

Openly express feelings to someone you can trust (a preacher, teacher, psychologist, therapist, spiritual healer, or even a good friend)
Free yourself of concentration on the abuser, the abuse, and the past in general
Concentrate on those that are around you now and are not abusing you
Concentrate on yourself and what is best for you
Could regain a relationship with your God/Supreme Being/Creator
Find a group of people that are interested in cultivating a safer world for us all and share with them in Awareness, Prevention, or Advocacy Programs

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