Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Grieving Process 1

Coping skills are what get us to the point of starting to grieve but up until then we just put "band-aid" fixes on our emotions and "cope" with whatever comes up. But coping is NOT healing. The cycle for this is usually: we have a loss; we realize the loss, respond, cope then grieve. Once the grieving is over we begin to heal, and thus the anger arises. We have to look at grief for what it energy that must be dealt with and the grief will be present for as long as the energy it creates is still in our minds and bodies. When we go through a loss great enough to create this type of energy we generally go through a stage where we feel as if our world is turned upside down, as if something unnatural has taken place. This shakes our sense of security on the big overall picture of the world as we have known it up until this moment. We are forced to re-organize our thoughts, our feelings, to re-assess our self views, our relationships with others, and our deep down true belief system.

Usually when dealing with such a large amount of grief, the very act that has caused that grief has usually caused the fact that there is no one there for you when you most need them. It is like a double whammy. Your abuse has put you where you are and now even your friends and family are scared to be there for you or they just don't know what to say and therefore they stay away "to give you space". So now what do you are all your pieces of your life laying scattered around you and you must alone deal with them and heal yourself, you must pick them up and make your life fit back into the comfy mold that it used to be in. Wrong!!! You weren't in a comfy life, you must now, pick up these pieces and begin to HEAL!

Counselors will usually give you small exercises to do each time you meet with them, which will force you into taking back over your life. If you ever have someone tell you that you should just get over it and move on they are need that time to come to terms with what happened and to heal, that "fog" you are in for so long is your body’s natural way of shutting out everything that is too much for the time being, so that you can focus on one thing at a time.

The things we do to get through life while living in this fog are only coping mechanisms. Some are healthy and some are unhealthy, but never the less are necessary. If you can see through the fog enough to figure out healthy ways to cope until you can begin healing it will be much easier for you to put your life into order.

Those of us who never learn to grieve, actually get stuck in that fog and end up taking the joy out of living. This effect on the body can usually leave us in a state of depression and causes us to not let others get close enough to help if we continue to be stuck at this point. That is why counseling is very important to insure that a grieving person goes through all the steps and completes the cycle. Remember this is a natural healing process and it must not stall out half way through.

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