Friday, August 28, 2009

Self-healing from Trauma Block 3

Block 1

Block 2

Squidoo Lens with entire series:  Self-Healing from Trauma

This week's exercise is longer than the previous ones. So I will not post another exercise next week, to give you time to work with this one. That block will be posted on Friday, September 11th, 2009. 

Remember when you sit down to do this exercise have your basket of fun things near by to pull something from should you become overwhelmed.

After suffering Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, or any type of trauma you probably are not sure of whom you really are anymore. Even if you were not verbally abused and told daily you were worthless in one way or another, nonetheless other abuses tend to make us feel that way. You need to dig through the layers of programming and decide who you are.

This is not always easy. After years of being told over and over again that you couldn’t do anything right, that you were unattractive, stupid, or whatever the insult of the day was at any given time; you will start to believe these things. Since our beliefs drive our perceptions and our perceptions drive our reality, we now think we really are stupid, ugly, and incapable of surviving on our own. But, that is where it is all wrong. You really are none of those things. You are actually a stronger person now than you were before being abused.

However, if you continue in that thought process of believing those things then you will eventually shape that perceived reality into a physical reality. In other words if you continue too long in thinking you are stupid (or anything other negative trait), then you will begin to “act” that way and others that you are meeting for the first time will think you really are stupid. You will of course not be stupid but by acting that way, and they think you are, others will treat you as if you are stupid and thus starts the entire cycle all over again.

Think about this; if you ask an adult “who they are” you will usually be told what their profession is or who they are related to. On the other hand when a child is asked the same question they will usually tell you their name or they will say “I’m me.” The child is just themselves, it never occurs to a child to associate themselves to a title or another person. If you ask that child; “But, who is me?” they probably can’t answer you but they are very sure that they are just themselves and no one or nothing else.

How do we define ourselves? Who are we really, as individuals? How do we define “me”? To help you figure out who you are now, try writing a letter to an old friend that you have not had contact with for several years. You do not have to actually mail this letter unless you want to. Tell this old friend exactly “who you are” and “how you are”. Do not write about who you were or who you want to be, write about who you are today, right this minute.

Be just as honest with your friend as you are with yourself. After writing this letter re-read it and notice what you have said about who you are at this point in your life. Note what you like about yourself and what you don’t. Also, note things that have changed since your abuse or as a result of your abuse versus the way you were prior to being abused.

If you wish to have feed back or help with this weeks exercise please contact me at: tailoredlifecoaching@gmail.com.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Healing the Inner Child

This is the first in a series of articles by Robert Najemy of Holistic Harmony on Healing the Inner child (Clarity issue 166).  I will be sharing the rest of the articles with you as well! 

Note:
The work described in this article usually requires
Guidance and support by a person experienced in this work.

Our emotional life and thus our freedom and happiness are largely dictated by the feelings, beliefs and needs generated by our childhood experiences. We can call that part of our subconscious that still feels, thinks and behaves in the ways we learned as children, the "inner child".

We have become split personalities who function with two minds. One is logical while the other still perceives life through the eyes of the children that we once were. While one sub-personality knows that logically we have no reason to fear or doubt ourselves, the other continues to experience anxiety, fear, guilt and self-doubt. While we know cognitively that we have the ability to deal with life, a part of ourselves continues to experience fear, hurt, jealousy and anger.

We cannot freely manifest the reality we desire, as long as we are subject to this automatic subconscious childhood programming, which limits our perceptions of ourselves, others and life. Here is a simple example of how we limit ourselves with false perceptions form the past.


SELF LIMITING ELEPHANTS
Elephants born in captivity are restrained by a chain that attaches one leg to a metal spike driven into the ground. This prevents them from roaming. They become accustomed to the fact that, as long as the chain and spike are next to them, they are unable to move.

As they grow older, their minds become programmed. When they see the spike and chain, they "believe" and accept that they will not be able to move. They become so conditioned that when their owners place a rope and wooden peg next to them, they make no efforts to step away from it, because they "believe" they are unable to.

In truth, their actual power as adults is so great that they could easily pull up a chain and spike of any size. Their programming or "belief," however, allows this tiny rope and wooden peg to limit their movement.
We are all very much like these elephants. We allow the weaknesses, fears and rejection we experienced as children to program us into a life in which we lack power, peace, love and happiness. We become controlled by false childhood assumptions we have made about our ability, strength and self worth.

We can move away from these "pegs" of self-limitation, but we must chose to do so and then methodically free ourselves from these false beliefs. Here is parable that will help us understand this.


THE LION CUB
Once there was a great lioness that went hunting with her newborn cub. While chasing and attacking a flock of sheep, the she-lion made a wrong move, fell off a cliff and died.

The cub was left without a mother and grew up in the midst of the sheep. As the years passed, the cub became a full-grown lion, but it was instinctually conditioned to behave as a sheep. It ate grass, made a bleating sound, and developed a fear of all other animals, just like the sheep.

One day, another lion attacked the flock, and in the chase, was shocked to see the ridiculous sight of a full-grown lion running away with the sheep bleating "bah bah" in fear.

He caught up to the sheepish lion, and asked, "What are you doing? Why are you acting in this ridiculous way? You a great, powerful lion acting like a lowly powerless sheep? What has come over you? You should be ashamed of yourself."

The sheepish lion explained that he was a sheep, and that the flock had taught him to fear and bleat and run in horror from the powerful lions.
The adult lion took the sheepish lion down to the river and asked him to look at the reflection of his own face. He saw that he was like the lion and not like the sheep. The lion then woke up from his ignorance and discovered his previously ignored inner courage, strength and majesty.
We are like the sheepish lion. The sheep represent our human nature, our personality, which moans, fears, complains and worries. The Lion is the spiritual aspect of our being, which is a source of great power, wisdom, creativity, goodness and love.

Great spiritual teachers have appeared throughout history with the same message of our "LION NATURE", the untapped spiritual power and greatness that dwells within us. All our problems are simply the result of our mistaken identity.

THE LONELY ADULT
We have learned to suppress what is naturally good within us. We have learned to mistrust others and compete against them, rather than cooperate and share with them. We have learned to be neurotic and fearful of new persons and situations. We have lost the ability to be open and loving, as we were when we were children. We have been taught that we must fight for what we need even at the others' expense.

Such beliefs have been instilled into us, as supposed ways of "being smart", or "being successful". Many of us who have followed this philosophy find ourselves isolated, secluded and lonely. We may have everything that society programmed our minds to believe was important, but do we have love, freedom, health, peace of mind, self-understanding, harmonious relationships or happiness?

One natural disaster, such as an accident, fire, earthquake, war, or death of a loved one, can destroy our happiness instantaneously when it is based on external factors.

Continued in the next issue of Clarity
Adapted from the book The Psychology of Happiness by Robert Elias Najemy  http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/ebookscb/index.asp


I have taken classes from Mr. Najemy and if you have further questions or need assistance with this please contact me at:  tailoredlifecoaching@gmail.com  If I can’t assist you I will help you contact Mr. Najemy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Yoga pose for stress

The below is from an article I found on the Mayo News site.  Please follow the link below to get a detailed description of how to do this pose and to see a picture of the pose preformed correctly!

Padangusthasana, or ‘big toe pose’, has many benefits. It calms the brain and helps relieve stress and anxiety, stimulates the liver and kidneys, gives the hamstrings and calves a good stretch, strengthens the thighs, improves digestion, helps with the symptoms of menopause and relieves headache and insomnia. However, if you have lower back or neck injuries, it’s best to avoid this pose. The Mayo News - HEALTH: A yoga pose for stress, headache and insomnia

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Quick ways to De-Stress

The following are ways to lower your stress level quickly.  Most of these will only take five minutes or less!

Take a mental vacation:  Close your eyes and imagine/visualize that you are somewhere relaxing.  Like a un-crowded beach, or a cruise ship, or in the middle of the woods, etc.  Whatever location you feel would be relaxing.

Turn the music up:  Either turn up what you are listening to (unless of course that is what stressed you out) or pick something that brings to mind good things.  Try to choose up beat music rather than slower music.  Dance around to it a bit as well!

Talk to someone:  Call, send a text or even get into a chat with someone about something totally different than what is stressing you out.

Get some sunlight:  Sunlight enhances the effect of serotonin, which is a mood stabilizing chemical.  You don’t have to go lay out in the sun; just go outside for a bit and let the sun hit you.  Take a brief walk in the sun.

Take a deep breath:  Just stop what you are doing completely, and take several deep breaths!

Distract yourself:  Completely change your activity if at all possible!  Do something unrelated to what you are doing.  Even if doing your chores or other work; then switch to a different chore or project.  You are still being productive, but are taking the little break you needed.

There are many many ways to quickly bring your stress level down to a manageable level!  What are some of the ways you de-stress?  Please leave comments and share your tips and tricks with us!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Violence UnSilenced

Do you feel like you are the only one in your situation?

OR

Do you want to share your story (even anonymously)?

OR

Are you a blogger that that writes/read domestic violence pieces?

If any of these apply to you then you should check out: Violence UnSilenced where you can read stories of survivors, share your own story, or take the pledge!



Violence UnSilenced

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Fun Activities, Hobbies, Ideas to Do for Free

Can’t think of anything fun to do for free?  Check out:  Fun Activities, Hobbies, Ideas and Dates to Do for Free | EcoSalon

There are plenty of ideas on there!  Some of my favorites are:

Photograph your meals.

Visit a friend.

Write a letter.

Start a blog.

Go for a full moon walk.

Write secret love notes (even to yourself).

Learn exotic phrases in your favorite foreign language.

Perform random acts of kindness around your neighborhood.

Volunteer to walk dogs at the Humane Society.

Re-imagine reality.

 

And, a couple that I added myself:

Pick something new to learn and research it on the internet.

Go to the mall or store of your choosing and people watch or window shop and dream.